Sarah’s story
Sarah is 40 and grew up in a wealthy, high-achieving family where reputation, achievement and appearances were highly valued.
At 11, Sarah was sexually abused by her swimming coach. She told her mother, hoping to be believed and protected. Instead, her mother minimised what had happened and discouraged her from speaking about it. Protecting the family’s reputation and avoiding the consequences of confronting a respected coach became more important than protecting Sarah.
Sarah learned that her experience was less important than protecting the family’s reputation. She learned to put on a face, carry on as though nothing had happened and accept that her needs were something she had to manage alone. Most damagingly, she internalised the belief that she was not worthy of care, protection or being put first.
She went on to become a high achiever. From the outside, Sarah’s life has looked successful. She has had access to education, financial resources and opportunities. Yet underneath this achievement she has struggled with the consequences of complex trauma, including profound shame, emotional dysregulation, difficulties with trust and unstable relationships.
Sarah has a significant history of problematic alcohol and cocaine use alongside bulimia. She has attended rehabilitation several times, receiving treatment for her AOD use and eating disorder.
But Sarah has never disclosed her childhood sexual abuse in rehab.
As a result, the services supporting her have understandably treated what they can see: the drinking, cocaine use and eating disorder. The underlying trauma has remained hidden.
Without an understanding of the abuse and its impact, Sarah’s behaviours can be treated as separate problems rather than understood in the context of complex trauma. She continues to experience cycles of distress, coping behaviours and relapse.
Sarah has also had a pattern of volatile relationships with emotionally unavailable men, repeatedly finding herself in relationships where her needs are unmet. These relationships reinforce the belief she learned in childhood: that her needs do not matter and that she should not expect others to care for or protect her.
She has experienced significant relationship conflict and has had drink-driving charges.
Sarah is now estranged from much of her family.
She has one daughter, who is currently 11 — the same age Sarah was when she was abused.
This has brought her childhood trauma into sharp focus. Watching her daughter reach the age at which she was abused has triggered memories, fear, grief and questions about her own childhood that Sarah has spent decades trying to manage or avoid. She is also parenting without the support of her daughter’s father, who is no longer involved.
A lifespan perspective
Sarah’s story demonstrates that CSA does not discriminate according to class, achievement or access to resources.
Her socioeconomic privilege has given her access to treatment that many women do not have. But access to treatment does not necessarily mean access to the right treatment.
Her childhood experience has continued to shape her across successive life stages — affecting her sense of worth, relationship with her body, emotional regulation, substance use, eating, intimate relationships, family relationships and now her experience of motherhood.
Her AOD use, bulimia, relationship difficulties and legal problems can appear to be separate issues. Through a trauma-informed lifespan lens, they may instead be understood as interconnected ways of managing overwhelming emotions and the consequences of trauma that has never been safely processed.
This is one of the challenges facing CSA survivors: the trauma can remain hidden for decades, while its consequences are treated one symptom at a time.
At 40, Sarah’s daughter’s age creates a profound developmental intersection between her past and present. Her daughter is now the age Sarah was when her own childhood changed forever.
How Stepping Out can help
Stepping Out offers Sarah something she has not previously had: specialist support focused on the underlying childhood trauma rather than only the presenting behaviour.
Stepping Out can work alongside existing AOD and eating-disorder treatment, helping Sarah explore the trauma that sits underneath and alongside these issues.
Through specialist counselling and programs such as Shift the Shame, Sarah can:
- understand the connection between childhood sexual abuse, complex trauma and her coping strategies
- explore the relationship between trauma, her body and bulimia
- understand the role alcohol and cocaine have played in managing distress
- recognise trauma responses such as shame, emotional dysregulation, avoidance and dissociation
- explore patterns in her intimate relationships
- process the impact of her mother’s response to her disclosure
- understand why her daughter’s age is such a powerful trigger
- develop safer ways of regulating overwhelming emotions
- strengthen her capacity to parent her daughter while caring for herself.
Stepping Out does not replace specialist AOD or eating-disorder treatment. It adds the missing trauma lens.
For Sarah, the question is no longer simply:
“How do we stop the drinking, cocaine use or bulimia?”
It becomes:
“What happened to this woman, what has she been carrying, and what has she needed these behaviours to do for her?”
Her wealth and achievement may have hidden the extent of her trauma from others — and perhaps from herself.
The trauma didn’t disappear because she succeeded. It simply became harder to see.